First make friends.

You there. Yes, you. Been having a good time reading those ‘Marry someone who’ posts? Well, screw marriage since it is so far away. Let’s talk friendship.

Make friends.

Don’t ‘make friends’ with the people you grew up with. They’ll just be a part of your life, always, and 15 years later you won’t even remember how you became friends in the first place. You won’t need them on speed dial because they’ll call you the minute you say you need to talk. They’ll listen to you bawl. They’ll tell you that you look fat, on your face. They’ll know all the stupid things you said, and they’ll know where all the food is kept at home, and where to look for chocolates in the fridge. And they’ll just need to look at you once to know what you’re thinking and you’ll burst into spasms of laughter while everyone looks on and don’t understand a word.

Make friends with people with whom, an evening out means sitting at home and ordering Dominos, because you’re too busy catching up, cracking jokes and playing games like Mafia. Who you can message at 4 am, irrespective of the continent they live on.Make friends with people who you sit next to in competitions,who you meet at shows and events. Talk to them, keep in touch, and you’ll realize how much fun it is to catch up, if you ever meet again. And even if you don’t it doesn’t seem like the end of the world.

Make college friends who you can always bitch about others with. Who you share brief but epic epic memories of college with. Who know which teachers irritated the fuck out of you, and who’ll most definitely ask you to go talk to them, just to piss you off.

Then, leave home for another place.

Make friends with your roommates, and even if you don’t immediately, fret not, because over time you’ll automatically become friends. You’ll always have things to talk about and you’ll always have food to share, and if you are as lucky as I was, she’ll be there to rub your back when you wake up to throw up.

Make friends with people you can crack dirty jokes with. Who’ll understand your whims and who’ll more importantly understand your jokes. With people who will feed you food each time you go to their room. Who you will dance with, sing with, and do a Broadway show with inside the hostel room. Who will encourage you to sing and dance onstage and cheer like maniacs while you do so, so half of the video is just them screaming.

Make friends with someone who makes your day a happier one. Who loves to eat and so with whom you go to many restaurants with. You’ll spend half your time arguing about where to go, you’ll use Zomato to no end, and you’ll get lost looking for directions and you’ll end up using Google Maps each time. Who will discuss complexities of the plots of porn movies. Make friends with someone who you can go with for a stand-up show. Who you can watch a crappy movies with and still end up having a good time. Make friends with someone who just needs to look at you to convey an inside joke. Who will give you a new name. Who will look at you and be able to tell that you’re upset about something. But who won’t ask until you tell them yourself. Who will be your security blanket.

Make friends with people who love to read. You’ll read books that you’ve never read before, and you’ll find a new genre of books all-together that will change the way you think and act. Make friends with people who encourage you to write, even if it’s just for yourself. It’s therapy. Make friends with someone who will go with you for walks. And with whom you can discuss your plans to travel and see the world.

Make friends with someone who will go with you for Zumba lessons where you’ll laugh your guts out. Who’ll walk with you to the coffee shop at 11 pm just because you feel like having a cuppa. And then you’ll reminiscence about your summer where you met and ate ice cream at least 10 times. And make friends with people who will sit with you on the staircase at 2:30 am in the freezing cold and talk, just because you/she needs to.

Make friends with people who add to your happiness quotient in life. Who send you a links like this.

Most importantly, make friends with people who make you laugh. Who will take you for granted and who you will take for granted, because that is the truest test of friendship.

And remember, some of them won’t last forever. Friendships will fall apart, but the memories won’t fade easily.

Make friends. And worry about finding someone or getting married, later.

Skin and Bones.

No, the title is NOT self explanatory. It just explains how my life was until 2 years back.

From the time I was a child, I was thin. Skinny. Bony. Enough to annoy people around me, and enough to eat 12 pooris (Yes, true story) and not care a damn.

What changed it all? Maggi. Sole reason my metabolism failed me. And maybe, that it was due to happen anyway. Also, standing on the weighing scale on my trip home this time, gave me a not-so-pleasant reality check.

I digress.

I got to college on Sunday. I realized, that it has been 3 semesters, and my hostel borders an awesome swimming pool that has been used twice in totality. I jumped in (and almost freezed) on Monday evening. Best.Swim.Ever.

On Tuesday, I went for Zumba class. A friend here takes them, I’d been for one or two but had not gone seriously. Best evening of my life.

I’m not the best dancer. I’d like to think that I’m not appalling, but I’m no Ginger Rogers. But I still went, and it was the most therapeutic experience.

To start with, it was good to know that my stamina has significantly improved. That I didn’t fall down and faint after one song, and lasted through six/seven was an achievement by itself. It’s hard to not have a good time when there’s someone there teaching you, with the most encouraging smile on her face. She makes you believe that you don’t dance like a klutz, that it’s not the most difficult thing in the planet, and all this with a smile that automatically makes you smile.

And then there’s the dance by itself. It’s hard to not have fun when you’re practically flying across the dance hall to the tune of ‘Moves like Jagger’. Okay not flying exactly, but jumping in sync to the music.

And the best part? We cooled down to ‘Fix You’. Just when I’d thought the session couldn’t have been better, due to the above mentioned reasons and the fact that I lasted through the entire session without sitting down, the song played.

We cooled down with some stretches. While everyone else touched their toes, I touched my shins (I have long legs and shorter hands so, you get the drift). And stretched.

And as we closed our eyes, emptied our heads and breathed in, these words echoed in the background- 

‘Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you’

It did. And I went for my second session of the week, today.

 

Vacation Tales

There were a few things that I never understood while growing up.

1. How people ‘earn’ vacations. I mean, they just come and go, and it all happens in the flow of things, etc etc. What’s to ‘earn’?

2. You appreciate vacations a lot more when you’ve grown up. Please. I always enjoyed zoning out with a book, or in front of the tv. Didn’t need to be ‘grown up’ to appreciate.

Wrong, and wrong. 

Semester 3 completed on the 22nd of October. Being the sincere woman that I was, anticipating truckloads of cell work, I stayed back on campus till the 25th. *Facepalm*. All I did was sleep in, go for lunch, sleep more, go for dinner. Finally, 25th arrived and I escaped to my local guardian’s place to sleep and catch the flight out the next morning. Very sincere thanks to the few souls who gave me company till then.

Anyway, I digress.

I came home for Appa’s birthday. After saying hello, I walked into my room and spotted my Flipkart package on my table. And it’s been the most blissful two weeks of my life.

I spent time doing the most menial things. It suddenly hit me that this would be my last proper vacation at home, doing absolutely nothing, before I started work. And so, I did absolutely nothing.

I have spent nights staying up till 3 am to finish reading a book. I have not woken up before 11 am, on a single day (save Diwali), and I have spent every evening sitting with amma on the kitchen counter, helping her make tiffin. 

While I went out a couple of nights last week, this week has been spent in spending time with Amma and Appa, shopping for vegetables, saying Hi to Patti, going with another to the farm for the day. I made tiffin for the folks, I made coffee for appa, and I cleaned up the kitchen counter for Amma. 

You forget the small tasks because of the tremendous amount of joy you get from doing them. There’s a joy in reading books late into the night, a joy in sitting with Amma Appa and watching Super Singer, in holding appa’s hand and watch him fall asleep, and then in those special moments of being cuddled by amma just before going to sleep.

There’s a special joy in sitting in the silence of your room, listening to music or just lying down. In meeting a friend you’ve not met in 2 years, in catching up with old friends over dinner and having them bring in cake at 11 pm because it’s your birthday the next day. 

There’s a special joy in spending those ten minutes with patti downstairs, listen to her weep about missing Thatha. You know, you do too. There’s a joy in going on a drive with your maternal grandmother, stopping by to pick up plants for home and smiling and conversing with the lady who works there, and then going to a farm that has some very special memories of you spending time with patti,just you and her, nobody else. And when she’s a grandmother who talks about books and life with you, you just know you’re lucky. 

There’s an absolute joy in being the baby sister again, in peering into a webcam to laugh at akka’s freckles, in blowing her a kiss via the webcam, and later, in lounging on your bed and talking to her for 30 minutes on your landline and refusing to tell Amma Appa what you spoke about.

They say you don’t earn vacations, but you do. You know this when you can feel every inch of tension that had piled up in your system float away. You know this when you hear Appa come home from work in the afternoon to have lunch with you, and he’s saying “Lazy bum, when did you wake up?”.  You know this the most, when nobody says it’s not fair that you’re sitting around so joblessly.

And that part about appreciating vacations a lot more? This one has been therapeautic. All this quiet time at home, and not so quiet time outside with friends has reminded me that the world has so much to offer. That a simple dinner with three girlfriends is all you need to remind you that there’s a lot to be laughed about and lot more to be talked about. That a bad movie means good popcorn. That meeting new people, is not that scary as you thought it would be. That smiling like a jackass at a webcam brings some profound happiness to the person on the other side. That finishing a book at 3 am, gives you a sense of accomplishment. Also, I started watching ‘Breaking Bad’ so apparently my popularity goes up a notch now.

Best vacation ever.  

And the best part? 2 more days left. 

Of food, family, and a lot more food. And TV.

The first Deepavali that I remember, was when I was two. I remember, because it fell on my birthday. I was dressed in a green pattu-pavadai(silk skirt) and we lit crackers. I sat between my akkas and watched, because I was still a little scared. 

From the time I remember, this used to be our annual Deepavali schedule. Wake up at 4:00 am. Brush, slip on chappals, take the bag of crackers, and run downstairs. Patti Thatha would be awake then, and we’d run in and wake up the baby brother and wish everyone a very happy Deepavali. We’d all then start lighting crackers, and go on till around 6:00 am. At 5:30-6:00, we’d have extinguished our supply. We’d all file into the house. One by one, we would sit in front of Thatha. He’d put oil on our head, oil that had been specially boiled with pepper, then he’d give us Vaasanaipodi (fragrance powder), put kum-kum on our foreheads and give us our new clothes. I hated putting oil and kum-kum and part of the tradition was me whining about it each time, and no one paying heed to it.

In between all this, we would be getting phone calls from people, and I can still clearly hear Thatha saying “Happy Deepavali!!” to everyone who called. No “hello”, only the festival greeting. Irrespective of who it was or why they had called. Appa, in the side, would be busily waking up people at 6 am to wish them. The deal was, if we were crazy enough to wake up early, we could wake others up as well.

We’d run back upstairs, and go through the ordeal of an oil bath. With hair till my knee, almost, it’s safe to say I HATED oil washes, but it was non-negotiable on Deepavali, and it was tradition. That was that. But you get used to it, you complain less, and basically you grow up.

We’d run back down after this. Go to the temple, and come home to a huge Deepavali feast. After working our way through the Payasam (kheer), Vadai and finishing with the curd rice it would be time for.. visiting people.

Visiting people involved buying dry fruit gift boxes for them. Every year, I would go to the shop with appa, pick it out, come back home and gift wrap it. The four of us, fully dressed up would leave and start visiting close family and friends. In some places, we’d do namaskaram for the elders, and us lucky kids would pocket some paisa. In the case of all houses, we had to give time to admire the clothes, and discuss what we ate, what our plans were, etc.

We’d then reach the home of my maternal grandmother. Here we’d change into the clothes she had gotten us, do namaskaram, and proceed to taking a million pictures with my cousins. We are four girls, so one could imagine the fun we had. 

We’d then proceed to visit a few more people, then finally get home by around 2, ready to collapse. Customary TV watching HAD to be done on Deepavali. In the evening, we’d visit a few more people, and just relax. 

This year, had been significantly different. I was first woken up at 6 am by Amma and Appa singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. The most special hugs were rendered when I was still sleeping. And Appa said “Happy Birthday Jillu, I pray and wish and promise we will always be together to celebrate your birthday and deepavali, every year”.

I woke up at 7 am, wandered sleepily into the room to say hi to my sister and the maaps on Google Hangout. It is their Thala Deepavali, and even though we can’t be there to celebrate with them, we are determined to make them feel like they’re at home. I sleepily saw my pretty akka show me her pretty apartment all decorated, and then wandered back to my bed. Wouldn’t have woken up for anyone else. Somewhere when I was in sleep-land, chitappa and chithi, came and wished me and went.

I finally woke up at 8:00 and we did the same oil bath and visits. There were pre-wrapped dry fruit dabbas, but we still visited, talked, and exchanged gifts.

There was no crackers, there was no family feast and there were definitely lesser people.

Deepavali fell on my birthday again, this year, after 19 years. Everyone wished me for that first, and then the festival, and made me feel super special.

The thing is, we often don’t realize how much things change. The traditions of 10 years back fade away, and you celebrate differently. You don’t have an elaborate family lunch. You don’t have your grandfather to rub oil on your head. You don’t have your sister to take pictures with. You don’t have your two pretty cousins to meet and admire clothes with.

Festivities have changed, but the core of festivals, the togetherness, the family, the friends and the love doesn’t. The small joys of visiting people, remains. Instead of discussing clothes, you discuss what your akka in Boston is doing that year. People make you feel incredibly special by saying that your birthday this year was a double celebration. 

We’re too busy fretting about how things have changed to realize that even though they have, the core of it hasn’t. 

Appa still calls and wakes up people at 6 am. 

Happy Deepavali!